I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
