Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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