just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.