Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.