Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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  (616): yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage. http://tfl.nu/rey5
  Replies (16) Good night (580) Bad night (2641)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms

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  (502): I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms http://tfl.nu/f928
  Replies (30) Good night (645) Bad night (7451)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

  (510): View more from California

  YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  (303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq
  Replies (133) Good night (1403) Bad night (29975)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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  (920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5
  Replies (26) Good night (1853) Bad night (7400)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression

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  (703): the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression http://tfl.nu/ti0p
  Replies (30) Good night (1362) Bad night (3908)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.

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  (781): I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on. http://tfl.nu/begu
  Replies (6) Good night (3937) Bad night (1133)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

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  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (6463) Bad night (1111)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving

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  (620): Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/x9wv
  Replies (5) Good night (1273) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.

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  (603): Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building. http://tfl.nu/icp2
  Replies (5) Good night (633) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.

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  (443): You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere. http://tfl.nu/84cy
  Replies (7) Good night (1608) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I'll start the recruiting

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  (870): I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!" (501): I'll start the recruiting http://tfl.nu/vx2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1200) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.

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  (864): Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning. http://tfl.nu/ou8u
  Replies (8) Good night (697) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin

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  (914): I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin http://tfl.nu/vobt
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.

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  (562): Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it. http://tfl.nu/uvne
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!

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  (405): Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day! http://tfl.nu/qmk0
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (352)

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