erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake