I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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