I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong