finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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