I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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