I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
