Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
