We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
