I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
