I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
