Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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