I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
