Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
