if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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