Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize