I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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