I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
