At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
