The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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