He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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