i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
