Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
