The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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