I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
