i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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