ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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