like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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