We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
