is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
