ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just had sex bonerless
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
