it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
