Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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