For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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