I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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