Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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