wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
