I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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