I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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