I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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