saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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