shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
