How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
