I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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