it was like his penis was on wheels.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
