I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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