I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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