I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
