I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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