i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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