All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did I show you my penis last night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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