I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.