I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
