I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.