Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"