official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
