I have demons in me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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