im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
