the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize