At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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