I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
