are you so shy because you have an std?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
