wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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