i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
