And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
