Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
