just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
