dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
