Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He felt like a one man threesome
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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