my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit