rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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