my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably