you will always have a special place in my vag
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
how drunk are you?
Several
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
