Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM