Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny

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  (614): she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny http://tfl.nu/4cwi
  Replies (12) Good night (3000) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

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  (609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready. http://tfl.nu/9xou
  Replies (33) Good night (7724) Bad night (684)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

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  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7676) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

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  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5861) Bad night (1485)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

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  (724): i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that. http://tfl.nu/tj9k
  Replies (6) Good night (5584) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.

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  (412): i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that. http://tfl.nu/r7ph
  Replies (10) Good night (4646) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet

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  (252): it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet http://tfl.nu/si54
  Replies (6) Good night (2194) Bad night (1347)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life

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  (757): just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life http://tfl.nu/it50
  Replies (5) Good night (1079) Bad night (2482)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.

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  (717): reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control. http://tfl.nu/bdi5
  Replies (15) Good night (1128) Bad night (3879)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.

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  (239): Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis. http://tfl.nu/6cer
  Replies (23) Good night (1319) Bad night (5407)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything

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  (706): I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything http://tfl.nu/u65o
  Replies (11) Good night (1363) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.

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  (503): Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight. http://tfl.nu/viha
  Replies (6) Good night (1135) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.

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  (205): I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work. http://tfl.nu/jnr2
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?

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  (360): I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years? http://tfl.nu/xhbr
  Replies (3) Good night (1334) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....

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  (306): we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter.... http://tfl.nu/0sk3
  Replies (2) Good night (208) Bad night (492)

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