dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there