I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.