Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
