Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
