We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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