The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
