it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
