honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
