i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
