They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
