Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
