I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
