After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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