It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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