I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
