I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
